A Journey of Emotions & Pain all rolled up in one….My Infertility Rollercoaster…continues…
I am 1 in 6 ladies to have this horrible heart wrenching condition!
Another year has passed by no baby, 7 years of painful tears, dreaming of conceiving my little miracle, dreaming of becoming a mom, clinging onto hope, every second of the day!
These last few years have been horrific, which seems like a lifetime, thinking every year, hey I will conceive really soon, most probably the next month or the next, eventually months went by and here I am in a new year, still hoping tho, never giving up.
In May last year I had been for my third excision operation for Endometriosis, the Endometrial tissues just consumed my entire reproduction organs including my bowels and bladder leaving me in debilitating pain, which makes conceiving even more difficult…. There was no options except undergoing the operation, knowing that this meant, there may be a slight chance that I could fall pregnant, unfortunately that was not the case, you know you would expect something positive to come out of these operations, to improve your fertility & health status, but all I received was bad news, which leaves me emotionally devastated! So I decided to use the natural method, the Homeopath way, made a difference with my symptoms, but still did not conceive….
I seeked help of a well-known fertility specialist, his only suggestion was IVF, many people are against it but surely if you were the 1 in 6 ladies who could not conceive natural you would definitely consider fertility treatments including IVF, so for all of you who is against Fertility Treatments, I just wanted you to know that you should not tell someone who is going through fertility treatments to relax. Spending 10k, 20k, 30k (or more) with absolutely no guarantee of any return on your investment, well that’s the chance that some of us has to take. Unfortunately some of us infertile people do not have the blessing of unlimited financial resources and this shit gets pricey quickly. If you know someone who wants to bankroll all of this for us, I might be able to relax a little, otherwise I promise I am doing the best I can to just make it through.
I have no idea how many more years will go by before I am finally a mother. Sure there are women who get pregnant at 40, but I am 33 and my already challenged fertility is declining every day
I do believe in miracles. There is always a chance that I could get knocked up the old-fashioned way. I think it’s great if your cousin’s husband’s brother’s neighbor got pregnant after adopting, or after ten years when they “stopped trying” or when they went to an island. Amazing things happen all the time and I have all the hope in the world that it will happen to me, but it may not. I am at the point in my life that I am ready to have a child. I was also ready 7 years ago when I started trying. I am not sure what God’s plan is yet, but I do know that if I feel like pursuing IVF is the right thing for us right now, so be it I will somehow some way….
So I ask for all of you out there who keeps questioning us couples without children, when is the baby coming? Come on make fast and have a child! You need to stop think before you ask these questions or mention something that may offend us… so I ask for you to please understand. Please be gentle & just keep us in your Prayers.
There may be more complications, disappointment, and heartbreak. This is not going to be an easy road and I have no idea what the future holds. Things just might not turn out like I had hoped. Infertility touches almost every part of my life; my job, my marriage, my bank account, my friendships. It consumes everything. It has probably changed me, some for the better, and some for the worse.
Finally, I just wanted you to know that I am thankful for you. Thankful that you are reading this. Thankful for your support. Thankful for your love. Thankful for your prayers. I am thankful for all of the parenting advice you will be able to give me some day when my time has finally come. I am thankful to have you here during this extremely difficult time. Until then I will hold onto hope & hopefully my next update will be some great news!
Waiting for a miracle…. A.S
Click here to be taken to Anushka’s post from last year.
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