By Anushka Pillay
A Journey of Emotions & Pain all rolled up in one….Infertility Rollercoaster…
I am 1 in 6 ladies to have this horrible condition
My Hubby and I have been together for 17 years, married 8, been trying to conceive for the last 6 years….When I was a little girl marriage and babies was never on my mind, In fact I never considered having a baby.
For the last 6 years, the first thing and the last thing and the only thing is I need a miracle to fall pregnant. So here goes my story on my journey through infertility & hope….
At the age of 10 I was diagnosed with IBS, always had pains, 5 years ago I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, doctors had never explained the impact these conditions would have on trying to conceive, so I had my first Endometrial Ablation in 2013, thinking my condition would get better and hey I would fall pregnant, pains got worst, went for my second lap in 2014, again thinking I would fall pregnant and my pains would ease off. I went for 5 IUI`s, been on fertility drugs, every cycle was an intense rollercoaster of emotions, at the end always a heartbreak for my hubby and I.
Once again, I am in pain, always in pain, always in heartache….with hope one day I will be able to hold my baby in my arms, just once I would like to see a positive on my pregnancy test….
When will my hubby and I get a chance to see our babies, smile, smell the scent of baby lotion, and watch our baby slowly fall off to sleep and begin to dream, month after month we go through weeks of pain and anguish just to cling on to hope that one day we will have our baby, our miracle, our joy.
I am so desperate to be a mom, I have taken shots on my tummy to go through more pain, but if its that what would take to hold our angel in our arms, I did it of just having that possibility that I could conceive.
There are times I don’t feel as if I have the strength to fight anymore. There are times when I cry that I can’t have what others do. I feel anguish when I go to’ baby showers, it breaks me down. I take the time to feel sorry for myself that I might never hold my baby, but I can’t allow that, Feeling helpless solves nothing. I then focus once again that someday I will have my baby with hope in my heart
Each medication the doctors inject in my body, each pill that has poisoned my system, each frightening visit to the doctor to hear nerve-wrenching results, and each surgery for a disorder that will come back time and time again… this is all for my miracle, I will fight for my baby, and never give up, this is my driving force to fight against every condition that is thrown at me in having my baby, for I know that all this pain and heartache will be more that worth it when I look into my childs eye and feel his/her very first heartbeat <3
Infertility is a pain full heart wrenching condition to have, we ladies are warriors, at the end we ladies will be the best mothers to have ever walked on God`s earth….
Waiting for a miracle….