Always go through a registered Adoption Social Worker. Even if a Birthmother approaches you, the process needs to be done through a professional.
A list of registered Adoption Social Workers can be found here.
1. Usually the motivation for birthmother scams is to take your money. She needs money for rent, food, etc. Only give money to a birthmother-to-be through an attorney or qualified adoption professional. The amount limits and circumstances vary by state law. Do not give money directly to a birthmother.
2. If the birthmother is not available by phone and wants to call you because of an on-going situation, beware! You should have a contact number and complete physical address that you can verify.
3. A birthmother may not even be pregnant or could be pregnant and has other plans for the baby, including keeping the baby or promising the baby to several waiting adoptive parents. Look for those signs.
4. The birthmother has at least one or more crisis in her life and you are part of the solution. This can include sad stories such as rape and incest. Be sensitive, but do not be drawn into the whole situation.
5. The birthmother offers a plan to bring the baby to you. Birthmothers usually want you to meet her and arrange to receive the baby at the hospital. This ploy is used to get a plane ticket which can be cashed in later. Do not give anyone a plane ticket. Many adopting parents have lost money by purchasing a plane ticket and never hearing from the, supposed, birthmother again
5. To have a match, you must meet face to face with the expectant mother. Big flag, the birthmother flakes out. She misses scheduled meetings with you or other professionals. Even with an unbelievable story she can be very convincing.
6. Proof or pregnancy or other documents are agreed upon, but never seem to arrive. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information or cannot believe that you have not received the information. A sudden miscarriage or hospitalization can happen when you request for too much information.
7. The birthmother does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She does not feel comfortable meeting or talking with an attorney or other adoption professional. When pressed, she might accuse you of not trusting her and can even get angry.
8. The birthmother will not give you, but will get you the name of her doctor or clinic where she is receiving medical attention.
9. The birthmother will evade certain details regarding medical attention, signing parental rights, contacting social services or adoption professionals.
10. The birthmother changes her story about the pregnancy or her situation. If a birthmother is talking to several adoptive parents, her story can change because she cannot remember what she said to you.
11. Be careful if the birthmother is expecting twins. This is a popular situation with an adoption scam. In the natural course, ask for proof of pregnancy and how are you able to contact her doctor.
12. A favourite ploy is for someone to fix you up with a friend. That person might pose as an adoptive parent and not an adoption professional. Be careful that the friend is not the same person. If both have the same IP addresses watch out!
13. Fake birthmothers are very willing to match quickly and will say you are perfect, without knowing much about you. They are going to send you pictures and other thing, but never do.
14. They have always had complications with the pregnancy…..they usually claim when you cannot find them that they were at the emergency room.
15. The birthmother does not like or want to deal with an attorney or other adoption professional. She has had a bad experience with an attorney and does not want to work with them again.
16. The truth of the matter is that you need to get down to adoption business. Small talk is necessary, but keep it in prospective. The phone meetings are to establish if you are suited for a “match” and if yes, then both parties need to get the necessary paper work in order.
Adoptive Parents Scams
It seems that birthmothers-to-be also need to look for warning signs that adoptive parents may not be able to work with them or will not follow through with the agreed adoption. Birthmothers-to-be need to watch for these possible warning signs.
1. A family that tells you how much contact they want you to have and after the birth they change what they told you.
2. Adopting parents that makes demands rather than requests and makes you feel second rate.
3. A family that does not return your emails or phone calls and might not be honest with you.
4. A family that seems like they are desperate and will do anything to get your baby.
5. Adopting parent might temp you to break the law by offering you illegal funds or expensive gift beyond what the law allows.
6. The adopting parents might not be qualified; you will have to be the sole judge.
7. Adopting parents might pressure you when you are changing your mind about them, they could have many personal problems, check them out.
Adoption Professional Scams
1. Beware of any adoption professional on the Internet who cannot provide you with information. Get the basics and go from there.
2. If they are an agency, find out the state they are in and their agency license number. It is not necessary for an adoption professional to have a web site, but it helps validate their presence.
3. An adoption facilitator should be carefully looked at, in California, facilitators have to be bonded and in many state they are illegal. You need to research their business.
4. Find out the professional’s legal business name, physical address, physical phone number, city business license.
5. If any adoption professional is offended by you asking questions, they are probably not your choice.
6. Check with the Better Business Bureau for any bad reports.
7. Join various Internet e-groups or check boards on the Internet for any positive or negative reports.
8. Read any document you sign. Ask the “what if questions”. Anything said verbally is always overridden by the contract. Make sure there is a contract.
9. Do not be lured by the fact if you sign a contract, you will have the baby you want. An adoption usually takes time.
10. If a facilitator does not have an established business with a track record and is unknown to the Internet adoption circle, DO NOT SEND MONEY UP-FRONT. A small application fee is about as far as we would recommend. Have your attorney verify the facilitator’s qualifications. You will need an attorney anyway.
This is a list of common occurrences, many others exist. Think about your actions and always use good judgment.
Info supplied by ABC Adoptions
– Content courtesy of Trinity Heart