I never thought it would happen to us. I never thought we would be the 1 in 6. All I have ever wanted to do is be a mommy. And now we find ourselves on our fourth cycle with our fertility clinic.
I cannot begin to explain the emotional rollercoaster which is fertility. It never seems to end. It’s like going through the five stages of grief each month. If receiving consistent “no’s” or “sorry not this time” or “negatives” isn’t difficult enough to deal with, there is the added trauma of being surrounded by pregnant women and babies everywhere you go.
As a Paediatric occupational therapist, I find this even more difficult and have had many days where I have had to cancel patients because I just couldn’t go on.
Dealing with others responses are also so painful. The unwanted advice that comes your way and finding out that your closest friends are pregnant.
Fertility is an incredibly lonely, isolating and painful journey. No one understands or can even begin to understand unless you have been through it. It consumes your thoughts. It takes over every aspect of your life. You’re constantly reading into every “symptom” or response from your body and checking it out on google.
There is nothing that can prepare you for this. It feels as though it is unattainable and never ending. It not only drags you down emotionally but physically and financially too. The countless injections of hormones and scans takes its toll. I thought I had prepared myself enough for our first cycle but was so caught off guard with the physical side of the treatment and my body’s response. Learning that your body doesn’t respond to the same medication each time was also a hard lesson to learn.
The expense of infertility is overwhelming. Without any support from medical aids, it puts you in a strained financial situation.
We will still carry on fighting and doing everything we can in faith and the hope that one day it will be our turn. One day we’ll be the one with two pink stripes