By Willene Naude
If anyone told me 3 years ago that I would be where I am today, experiencing all the joys and struggles of a normal mother I definitely would not have believed them. Even though this time 3 years ago we were about to start our 4th fertility treatment and our very first egg donor cycle. I guess I gave up hope long before that time but felt that I needed to try all that I could to become a mom, maybe so I could have walked away one day after exhausting all options and at least tell myself that I tried everything.
I never believed that it would happen for us and seriously believed there was something wrong with me, with my husband, with my marriage. That it was just not meant to be… It’s like not having a vital limb or more like not having a vital organ because on the outside you look normal but you don’t function normal. And something that is expected to happen naturally just doesn’t… And no one that hasn’t experienced the agony of disappointment after disappointment will even remotely understand.
Yes I have been there, injected so many hormones into my body to a point where I stopped counting, pretended to go on with life as if this overwhelming longing did not exist, being excluded from friends baby showers and kids parties to spare my feelings, pitied beyond recognition, misunderstood, disappointed and every time just picking up the pieces and trying again.
And I am ever so glad that I did!! We have hit the jackpot literally with a boy and girl twins. They are my whole world and looking at them I know that it was all so so so worth it. They are much more than I could have ever hoped for. They are mine and I am their mom.
It is still hard to hear that someone just got pregnant instantly without even trying very hard. I mean I read of a celebrity couple who said they turned to ivf after struggling the whole summer. Sorry to be judgmental but the whole summer?? You haven’t seen anything yet. I mean seriously there are people that have been on this journey for years, whose age are catching up with them, whose bank accounts are exhausted from all the treatment expenses and whose hearts literally cannot break anymore as it is already in pieces too tiny to break any further. My heart aches for these people because although I know that some of them might also get lucky, not all of them does..